Praise Be To God That I Am Not Good

"Praise be to God that I am not good" was the little phrase quoted by Thomas Merton to D T Suzuki very close to their parting, this after a meeting in New York. Suzuki was much taken by the words, saying that they were "so important". How strange it must be for the doctrinaire to hear a Buddhist respond in such a way to any mention of God at all. Maybe they would suspect him of being a closet Christian, that "the Lord" had reached another heathen heart! But the meeting of minds and hearts that Suzuki's response witnesses to speaks of a greater depth, where the true "work of Christ" is found. 

Who could be meeting now?

Merton had arrived at those words, and his appreciation of their depth, via the Catholic Faith; Suzuki via Buddhism, both Shin and Zen. Merton by seeking salvation for his "self", Suzuki by the teaching and expression of anatta, no-self. As I have mentioned before, a well known Buddhist Dictionary says that if "anatta" is not understood then Buddhism will remain largely incomprehensible. Given that the no-self teaching is often equated to getting rid of the ego, to New Age cries of "living in the Now", such a claim is well put. 

There is no-self, but here we are! Or, perhaps, there is no- self, so here we are!

The path to the end of suffering beckons, salvation, redemption, the unshakeable deliverance of mind spoken of in the Theravada Texts as the true goal of the holy life. So let us gird our loins and become "good"; create a being fit for heaven, one in whom we can be proud, to be admired by the watching crowd, possibly even become a "saint" and enter the record books. Others will then seek to emulate us as beacons of righteousness.

Some would seem to seek the full depth of not being "good" by resorting to sack-cloth and ashes, beating the breast, seeking for themselves a total sense of inadequacy in the face of the Almighty, One who demands nothing less than perfection. The slightest sense of moral rectitude is thrown out as the mode of the Pharisee. "I am nothing!" is the cry, and others, less understanding perhaps but higher up the pecking order, look on and exclaim: - "Bah! Look who thinks he's nothing!"

Look who thinks he's something?

I have found that "suffering" - dukkha, anquish - comes in infinite guises. All relate to a "self" that suffers, that is identified with, and which seeks to avoid the moments of dukkha. Alas, dukkha is life itself, not a part of life, not an opposite to joy, peace, happiness. Dealing with it must morph into a situation much like our seeing of a red hot-plate. No one need tell us not to touch. Our hand will instinctively not go near, will recoil from any thought of contact. More and more the ways of suffering are seen, known, recognised, and we instinctively recoil. Not to reach another world, not to "make progress" or please a Deity, but to know this world in a new way. To live and act in this world in a new way.

All things made new

I wish I could describe, even prescribe, a path towards this way of being. But alas, no, there is no one "key". The true path is unique to each. Each is on their path already. Perhaps each is their path.

"Protecting oneself one protects others, protecting others one protects oneself"

I simply know that thinking oneself "good" is a mode of suffering, a state of mind that, like the hot-plate, we must recoil from. Instinctively.

"Paths" are another matter entirely and I think it is better to feel lost rather than to think we are ever walking straight and true. Perhaps we can look back and discern some sort of direction, unknown to us at the time. Certainly I have long treated, or tried to treat, all truly valueable things - life itself - as pure gift. Always given, never earned, to be realised, not brought into being either by believing or plotting. Giving thanks becomes a way of life, even giving thanks in the bad times, in moments of suffering. Which is the poor persons way of not seeking to make distinctions, the "way" of the Hsin Hsin Ming, the way that is not difficult, only cease to cherish opinions. It is the Pure Land way, where the dojo/monastery is simply our life as we live it.

Thinking ourselves "good" seems to me a trap. More, it separates us from others, implying judgement.

It is identification with relative truth, justifying ourselves by what is essentially non-existent. This is to be truly lost. But "empty", we can continue on the journey that is itself "home".

Related Quotes:- 

 "For Chuang Tzu, as for the Gospel, to lose one’s life is to save it, and to seek to save it for one’s own sake is to lose it. There is an affirmation of the world that is nothing but ruin and loss. There is a renunciation of the world that finds and saves man in his own home, which is God’s world. In any event, the “way” of Chuang Tzu is mysterious because it is so simple that it can get along without being a way at all. Least of all is it a “way out.” Chuang Tzu would have agreed with St. John of the Cross, that you enter upon this kind of way when you leave all ways and, in some sense, get lost."

 (Thomas Merton, from a Note to the Reader in "The Way of Chuang Tzu")

"Do not seek for the truth; only cease to cherish opinions."

 (From the Hsin Hsin Ming)

When studying in this way, evils are manifest as a continuum of being ever not done. Inspired by this manifestation, seeing through to the fact that evils are not done, one settles it finally. At precisely such a time, as the beginning, middle, and end manifest as evils not done, evils are not born from conditions, they are only not done; evils do not perish through conditions, they are only not done. 

(Zen master Caoshan) 

"Do not see yourself as above others. Do not see yourself as below others. Do not see yourself as the equal of others."

(The Buddha)